Don't Worry, Be Happy
by I am the HERO AMERICA
Summary: Ed and Al just came home from their trips and getting used to American life again is never an easy job, especially when you're as kind as Al. When a strange man comes over asking him to sign for a package for his birthday, who was he to be rude on his birthday? Well, that's going to cause some trouble for his older brother when it arrives. What troubles? Why not take a look?Oneshot


**A/N: Story time! Okay, so my best friend has a teacher for her seminary class and he has a story. This is the story, the Brother Wing FBI story. Okay, okay, I used his story as an outline, but I did write it with my own memory. I just used the events from the story. So, basically it's still his story, but with a twist! Ed's not the "nicest" person in the world and from what I'm told, Brother Wing is, so obviously the reactions are different. **

**Disclaimer: I only listened to the story multiple times. I don't own it, Fullmetal Alchemist or anything that is copyrighted in this story. Also, I DID put the actual rights in this story, you know, the ones they read you when you're arrested. **

**Big thanks to Brother Wing for telling Alapest this story just so she could tell me and I could write this! Bigger thanks to Alapest for inspiring this whole story!**

**Review please!  
~Usachan!  
~Enjoy!**

* * *

"Al? Where are you?" Ed called as he stepped out of the kitchen in there small condo.

"I'm in the living room, brother!" Al called from the living room, waving his arms from his seat on the couch.

The two brothers recently came home from year long business trips, so their routine of living was a little off center. Al had just come home from somewhere in China, Ed never really cared to listen to the detail, and Ed had just come home from Germany. Both men were trying to readjust to American life and were finding it a little difficult to remember the mannerisms. And soon, that little issue was about to cause major problems for both men.

The doorbell chimed, signaling the arrival of a visitor for the two Elric brothers.

"I've got it!" Al called, jumping up from the couch and running to the door, tripping over the mat in front of the door while trying to grab hold of the doorknob.

"Don't die!" Ed called helpfully from the kitchen.

Al opened the door and saw a tall, lanky man stood on their doorsteps. The man had dark aviator sunglasses over his eyes. He looked like a human version of Jo-jo from Horton Hears a Who. He wore a dark zip-up hoodie with dark washed jeans underneath them.

"Can I help you?" Al asked politely, looking at the man curiously, he must've been new in the condo complex because Al hadn't seen the man before.

"Yeah, hello, my dad called and told me he wrote the wrong address on my birthday package, so I just wanted to give you a heads up and ask if when it comes that you would sign for it?" The man asked, his voice higher than expected, but still considered normal for a young adult.

"Yeah sure! That doesn't seem like a problem. Should I call you when it gets here?" Al asked, turning to get the pad of paper that sat next on the small table next to the staircase, but when Al turned back to the door, the man had left.

"Who was that?" Ed called from the living room, his mouth muffled by his cereal.

"No one, brother!" Al sighed, flopping back onto the couch. He leaned forward to pick up his bowl, only to realize that the tv was no longer on Disney Junior, "Hey! I was watching that! It was a new episode, too." Al pouted as he slammed his cereal bowl back on the coffee table, causing some milk to spill out of the green bowl.

"So? How I Met Your Mother has a better plot, something I learned from my Host Family. And what's so great about a princess with a magical necklace rock thing?!" Ed grumbled propping his feet up on the coffee table and setting his bowl of dry cereal on his stomach.

"It's an amulet! And it happens to be the most powerful thing in the world, thank you very much! And common, Ed, it was a new episode!" Al whined, giving his brother the biggest puppy dog eyes he could muster. Ed looked over at his younger brother and sighed heavily.

"What makes this episode different than the other 'new episodes'?" Ed threw his hands up with air quotes.

"It's the episode with Ariel."

"...Changing it back."

* * *

"Brother! Hurry up, I'm heading off to work now!" Al called, grabbing his keys from the key hanger next to the door and opening it.

Al was almost hit on the face by an older man with shaggy gray hair wearing a delivery hat.

"Oh, sorry, sir! I didn't realize you were going to open the door!" The delivery man apologized hastily, shifting his package over to his other arm. "I've brought this package. Would you mind signing for it?" the man held out the package with the pen and clipboard sitting on top of it.

"Sure, sure, not a problem," Al nodded, grabbing the pen and scribbling down his name and signature. The delivery man nodded, handing Al the picture and taking the clipboard and pen from the young man. The older man left the front step and headed back to his truck.

Al looked at the package, this must be the one the man from earlier was getting.

"Brother! There's a package for the neighbor on the kitchen counter, if he comes by make sure he gets it, okay?" Al called, heading out the open door then shutting it loudly, making sure the older man had gotten up in time to get ready for work.

Ed lazily sat up in his bed, rubbing his sleepy eyes as he looked around his room. There wasn't much in it, Ed was never one for trinkets, just a few little things here and there: a picture of him, his brother and their childhood friend tacked above the sturdy, dark wood desk piled high with his research notes, books, and a framed photo of him and his brother when they were kids, fishing with their trade teacher.

His walls were a dull yellow that matched his sleepy eyes and a small, black dresser pushed up against the corner with piles of dirty clothes spilling off the dresser.

Ed lazily pulled himself over to the dresser, yanking open the top drawer and pulling out a simple black button up shirt and throwing it on the bed. He then opened the second drawer and pulled out dress pants and a pair of white calf high socks.

He began to pull on the pants over his light blue boxers and winced as his fingers brushed the rough skin above his left knee, right where the scar tissue was. Ed sucking in his breath and finished getting dressed, pulling the white socks on to conceal his prosthetic and wandered out and down the stairs to go into the kitchen.

As Ed passed the kitchen, he quickly flicked on the tv and found that the second musical about high school, which only took place in a high school for the first five minutes of the movie, was on. He shrugged as he turned the volume up to just loud enough that he could hear it from the kitchen and then made his way to find some food.

As Ed hummed along with the tv, he found some cereal and poured himself a bowl. He shook out all the contents of the bag then threw it away.

Ed carried his bowl over to the next cabinet, searching for a spoon to eat the cereal with. Ed's gaze drifted from the silverware drawer to the sliding glass door, overlooking the condo complex's fenced in back yard. Sitting on the other side of the wire fence was a black FBI van, complete with tinted windows.

"Oh, that's weird... is that guy looking at me?!" Ed asked the empty air as he watched the man in black shades and light, shaggy blonde hair stare at him throw his sliding glass door. Ed scowled as he crossed his arms and stood in front of the glass door, glaring at the officer with eyes that burned like a thousand suns. Then, the officer made him feel a little uneasy, so Ed sidestepped over to his cereal bowl, and out of the view of the officer. He quickly leaned his head over to make sure the officer had stopped watching him, but the man was still looking through Ed's glass door, and thoroughly pissing Ed off.

Ed started towards the glass door, about to yell at the strange FBI officer, only to be interrupted by an urgent, almost official-like knock on his door.

Ed turned back to the sliding glass door, taking his first to two fingers, pointing them at his eyes before jabbing them towards the officer's direction with purpose and annoyance, he wasn't done with him yet.

"Hang on, hang on! I'm on my way!" Ed sighed loudly, making his way over the the official knocking on his front door.

Yanking the door open with the assumption it was Alphonse who had forgotten something important and making sure Ed was up, he scowled as he greeted his visitor, "what'd you forg-"

"_PUT YOUR HANDS UP!_" A dark man with even darker sunglasses shouted, shoving Ed out of the doorway. The man had on a black bullet-proof vest over his dull blue police uniform.

Ed let out a strangled scream as he threw his arms up over his head and stumbled back from the shove.

"_ON THE GROUND! SPREAD!_" He shouted, a few more officers dressed exactly like him appeared behind the first in the doorway, some with guns, but others came empty-handed.

Ed, having no other choice in the matter decided to drop to the ground as quick as he could before he got a bullet in his head. Even though he was cooperating, he wasn't happy about it. He spread his arms and legs out, but not far enough for them to make sure he was unarmed.

"I said _SPREAD_!" The first officer shouted loudly, nudging Ed's legs to show that he wanted Ed to obey him.

"Just out of the academy, huh?" Ed muttered into the carpet, barely audible to himself, much less the cop he had just insulted. Ed inhaled the smell of the carpet and he had to admit, it smelt a lot like feet. It was really gross and he just wanted to stop inhaling the smell of his and his brother's feet from over the years, but he couldn't, not without setting the officer off.

"Alright, keep your hands up and get to your feet, _slowly_," the first officer, -Jerk as Ed had dubbed him, growled, placing one hand on his holster, ready to draw his gun if need be.

"I'm getting up, I'm getting up," Ed sighed a shaky sigh, trying to keep himself under control as -Jerk nudged him once again with his steel-toed boot. "Geez, would you cut it out?! I'm going _slowly,_ just like _you _asked me to!" Ed's temper was about to burst, and it didn't help that one of -Jerk's buddies decided to cuff Ed's hands in front of the young man.

"Sir, please sit down on the couch, we must ask you a few questions." The cops, save -Jerk and I-Must-Handcuff-You Man, started to invade Ed and Al's privacy by searching the entire house, second floor, bathrooms, the lot.

-Jerk and I-Must-Handcuff-You Man led Ed over to his couch and sat him down, there he was read his rights by I-Must-Handcuff-You Man.

"'You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.' Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?"

"No... yes," Ed grumbled, leaning back into the couch cushion and successfully looking utterly pissed.

"Right, now, that package, who signed for it?" -Jerk growled, shining a light into Ed's eyes.

"My brother, Alphonse," Ed let out through gritted teeth, squinting his eyes and turning his head away from the bright flashlight.

"_LIAR! WE KNOW IT WAS YOU! CONFESS!_" -Jerk shouted, shoving the flashlight closer to Ed's face, making it nearly impossible to avoid it's blinding light.

"Hey, calm down, Agent Rogers," I-Must-Handcuff-You Man soothed, placing a hand on -Jerk's shoulder and pulling him away from Ed.

"Right, so your brother signed for the package?"I-Must-Handcuff-You Man asked, taking out a pad and pen to write everything down.

"Yeah, that's right. I didn't do anything. What's going on?" Ed asked, rubbing his eyes with fisted hands, trying to make the spots go away.

The questions kept coming, more officers joined in and Ed didn't even bother to give them rude nicknames as they hammered him with questions. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

"_SHUT UP! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THE PACKAGE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" _Ed screamed at the top of his practiced lungs. He hadn't had to scream like that since he first arrived in Germany, insisting that he was of average American height.

"_I TOLD YOU HE WAS THE CULPRIT!_" -Jerk shouted, jumping up from his seat on Ed's coffee table and shoving his flashlight back into Ed's eyes.

"_I WASN'T LYING!_" Ed snarled, squinting in the bright light.

"_THEN WHY ARE YOUR PUPILS SMALLER?!" _Was the response given by the officer, he was doing a little jig as he followed Ed's head with his stupid flashlight.

"_HANDCUFF GUY, CONTROL YOUR WOMAN!" _Ed hollered, bringing I-Must-Handcuff-You Man into the conversation.

After that, things _really_ got messy as shouted insults were tossed between Ed and -Jerk and I-Must-Handcuff-You Man tried to pull his officer off of Ed. The rest of the officers were placing bets on what was going to happen, all bets were on Ed in someway or another.

One officer was still investigating the around the home and came across something that you only ever see in Roadside Diners, Cabins or your grandparents house. He just had to use it, it was calling his name, helping him remember all those years he spent with his grandpa in the garage, building swords and fire trucks out of spare wood and so he did, he pressed that damn button.

Nothing could've stopped the fight in the middle of the living room except for that one fateful push of a button. And no one, I mean _no one_, has ever seen the faces of fifteen grown adults fall faster than the officer that pressed the button did on that fateful morning.

"Don't worry, be happy!"


End file.
